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L.O.V.E is
a way of communicating.
Home sweet Home
gets sweeter when you learn communication skills. Here are four
tips.
1. Right vs.
Left: When someone holds
an opposing view, go over to their side completely. Listen, explore
their point of view and see if you could defend it. You will realize
they were on the left side and you were on the right side. Both of
you are describing a scene but looking at it from a different sides
of the street. Now you see the whole. Remember, if you want the big
picture give up “being right”. Do this first and the
following techniques work better.
2. Be clear. Vague communication
causes too much stress. Get clear and you will know the next step
and who is going to take it. This form of communication
clears up confusion with clarifying questions. If you are in doubt
about how they feel, ask. Clear up vague areas right away. Have them
repeat your message back to you, and you do the same. This
guarantees understanding. Get it all out in the open so everyone
knows what is expected and what is next. Use win-win as your end
result.
3. Don’t
complain, especially to
someone who can’t help you. Make this a law in your life. Behind
every complaint is a request you are not making. Ask yourself. What
do you want? Who can you ask? What’s in it for them? Formulate a
clear request and deliver it at the right time. Don’t ask for
everything all at once. Start small, be willing to negotiate and
make another request if your first one is rejected.
4. The LOVE
formula: Listen, Open, Validate, Energize.
This is a way to remember the
basics. Listen to their side and go there. Listen to
what they are saying behind the complaint. Maybe they need
understanding or just to be heard. Let them know you are listening,
say “I hear you”, and repeat things back to them. Open to
their point of view. Open to the possibility they are right
and will contribute to you. In this formula you supply a right
motive to their actions. Open your mind to their right
motive. They mean well. Their motives are just like yours, safety,
security, peace, fun. You want the same things. We tend to judge
ourselves by our motives and others by their actions. If you reverse
that, your world will improve. Give them the benefit of the doubt
and presume they mean well. After you have their motive established,
validate. You are both right, just looking at it from
different sides. Validate both points of view. Validate
both sides because your motives are similar. Validate these
motives you share. Also Validate their right to differ. Then
Energize, this means some action. It may be as simple as
saying “We disagree, but lets stay open”. Or invite them to come up
with options that may be agreeable to both, and you put forth a few
ideas also. Energize by acknowledging them for their
willingness to talk, expressing gratitude, declaring what you want,
or coming up with a plan. The L.O.V.E formula can clear up past
resentments easily. The other party need not be present. Just do the
process by yourself and see what happens when you give them the
right motive and go through the steps in your imagination. I hope
these tips were useful. Communication is a vast subject and if you
commit to learning the skills you will have more success in every
area of your life. Become a master communicator and your family life
will be much happier in every way.
Sincerely,
John McKenna |
